No One to Tease
by ManontheMountain
Summary: Tired of being ignored for the sake of a website, Arthur decides to create an account of his own and quickly learns why blogging can be so addictive. However, the knowledge does nothing to ease his loneliness or impatience with his lover. Rated: MA
1. Chapter 1

_Click._

_Click._

_Tap-click._

_Click._

_Click tap-click._

_Click._

"Hahaha." _Click tap-click._

_Click._

Such small sounds. Just the tiny noises of a few keys being idly pressed by two fingers on one hand and three on the other. Arthur knew which fingers they were. He even knew which keys were being used, and what each of those itty bitty sounds meant, without ever having pressed any of them for that purpose, or having gone on that blasted website.

For weeks now, it seemed as if his lover did nothing else but sit there and scroll endlessly through that Tumblr blogging site. God, he even knew the name of a site he'd never visited, and only because he'd learned very quickly that it was, apparently, more important than him. Just sitting there listening to his lover—if he could even call the other man that anymore—blog for hours on end was depressing. Couldn't they have a conversation? Couldn't they sit together, not just in the same room, but _together,_ and watch a movie, or cuddle, maybe even make their way up to the bedroom after a little while and demonstrate their affections for each other?

As much as Arthur wished and wanted, he knew the chances of any of that happening were nonexistent. The internet would have to crash first, and then the other man would be far too focused on fixing it for Arthur to distract him long enough to get what he wanted.

Sighing, he turned his gaze from the book in his hands to the blond on the couch—Alfred. His hair was a pale blond, lighter than Arthur's golden tones, and he wore glasses over his clear blue eyes. They were lit with entertainment, and he had a very slight smile on his lips as he continued to _click, click, click,_ his way through Tumblr. Legs stretched out along the couch and back propped against the armrest, his laptop sat on his thighs so his arms had enough room to rest comfortably with his hands on the keys.

Well, at least he looked happy, and that was more than Arthur could say about himself. He'd been foolish enough to be glad when the blue-eyed blond first discovered the blogging site. It was supposed to be something to keep Alfred busy so Arthur could have some peace and quiet while he read or took naps, and that's all it had been at first. For a few days to a little over a week, Alfred only visited the site for about thirty minutes at a time. He would grow restless and have to abandon his laptop in favor of stretching, then either talk Arthur into going for a walk with him or settle on the floor to play videogames for a while. Arthur wasn't sure what happened during that second week, but now the ash blond could and did sit for hours and hours without ever taking his gaze away from his screen. It was depressing, and Arthur couldn't remember the last time he'd ever been this lonely. He shouldn't have to feel this way, not with a lover he lived with and had been dating for years.

_I could seduce him._

Yes, there was that, but he'd already tried that. He'd tried it days ago, had knelt by the couch and slid his hands over Alfred's shoulders and rubbed along his collarbone, kissed the bit of skin that peeked from under the blue-eyed male's t-shirt, and nuzzled his cheek while whispering his name. It had worked for a few seconds; he'd gotten Alfred's attention, and even managed to draw him into a kiss. But Alfred had broken it before Arthur could turn it to anything more than the soft touch of lips against lips, and just like that had gone back to his laptop. Arthur had whined—he didn't deny that—and pouted and pressed his face into the cushion of the armrest, his hands still gently rubbing Alfred's upper chest. The bastard hadn't even noticed, and Arthur, rejected, had slunk away upstairs to wallow in self-pity for the next few hours.

He was not going to embarrass himself by trying again.

Still, he'd never expected to feel so _lonely _while sharing an apartment with someone, especially someone he'd known for so long and was undeniably and unashamedly in love with. It was plain ridiculous. They were lovers, weren't they? He'd at least thought there were behaviors to accompany that title.

_We're barely even a couple anymore. That damn website's replaced me. Can't bloody believe it._

If he had to listen to Alfred clicking away for much longer, he was going to lose it. It was already hard enough to keep from sulking but this was getting ridiculous and Arthur was starting to feel the need to drink excessively or throw a fit. He needed to do _something,_ anything that would force Alfred off his laptop or at least stop Arthur from feeling so badly.

Without much hope, the golden blond checked his watch. Only 3:13—too early to start drinking. Brilliant.

He could throw a tantrum. It would definitely get Alfred's attention, but it would als make Arthur look like a needy child. And there was always the chance that they'd start fighting and end up even worse than they were now. That wasn't a risk Arthur was willing to take.

Moody and indecisive, his book long forgotten, Arthur looked over at his lover. He watched the other blond, silent, and tried to understand how a blogging site could be more interesting than he was. It wasn't as if he was boring.

…was he?

No, no, of course not. He was educated, he gardened—tended to the window boxes and bushes out front—and read and knitted and embroidered and baked, he liked to listen to music and watch movies and take walks, he wasn't boring. He just…wasn't as interesting as Tumblr.

Oh, no, his eyes were welling up. He was going to cry.

_No, no, keep it together, Kirkland._

There was no reason to cry over something so silly. It'd be better to take a moment for himself. Ah, but the tears were escaping…!

Hurriedly, Arthur set his book aside and stood, moving into the kitchen where he was out of sight of the other man. Crying out of nowhere would be a poor way to bring up why he was unhappy.

_Stupid bastard probably wouldn't even have noticed,_ he thought bitterly, wiping at his eyes and sniffing. His throat felt tight, a sure sign that he'd been and probably still was mere seconds away from breaking down into sobs. God, why was he letting this get to him? Had he always been this sensitive? He certainly hoped not. It was ridiculous.

Eyes now dry if not a little puffy and red, Arthur placed his hands flat on the counter and took a deep, steadying breath. "Get it together, mate," he told himself sternly. "Can't fall apart over some little website and a bit of loneliness." Both hands lifting, he opened the cabinet door just in front of him and selected a white-flecked blue mug from the collection he had going. "Cup of tea and you'll be right as rain." He forced himself to sound confident, just to help pick his mood up, and tea really would soothe his nerves. It wasn't a permanent fix and he knew that, but he wasn't sure what else he could do. First things first, he had to calm himself down. Then, well, he'd figure something out.


	2. Chapter 2

With the loading screen glowing blue on his laptop, Arthur settled in comfortably at his desk. Part of him still couldn't believe he was doing this, but the rest was convinced he didn't really have a choice. What did a man have to do around here to get a little attention? If Alfred could satisfy all of his social needs with the internet, then Arthur could, too, damn it.

Okay, the desktop was almost finished—impatient, he double-clicked the icon for his internet browser (not the same one Alfred used, which was something the taller blond had pointlessly given him grief about) then waited as his cursor changed from an hour to small swirling circle to show that it was still loading. That was fair, he supposed, but he still tapped his fingers against the surface of his desk as he waited, and sat up a little straighter when the window finally opened to his homescreen.

Directing his cursor to the top of the page, Arthur clicked the address bar and carefully typed _ .com_. It took a few seconds, then a large, slightly blurry image of a leaping deer filled his screen, with _tumblr._ in the center, above two boxes for an email and a password to log in. Since he didn't have an account, Arthur clicked on the _Sign up_ option in the upper right corner instead. The screen shifted; a new image of patterned cloth blowing in the wind appeared, and now "Follow the blogs you've been hearing about. Share the things you love." was centered below the heading. And there were three boxes instead of two, for an email, password, and username.

Well, email was easy, but it took him a few moments to come up with a suitable password. He could have just used the same one he did for everything, but Alfred knew that password, and he didn't want the American hacking this tumblr account if he ever happened to find out about it. The embarrassment would be the end of Arthur's pride. So he had to come up with a new one that he'd still be able to remember, and then it had to be strong enough to avoid anyone else just happening to hack in. He did eventually come up with something suitable, and then came the username.

Arthur sat there and stared at the computer for what was probably a solid minute as his mind struggled to come up with something. His username should have something to do with what sort of blog he would run, right? And what sort of blogs he would follow? He'd never actually been on tumblr before, so he wasn't entirely sure what all there was to look at. And he didn't want it to be too obvious that it was his, just in case Alfred happened across it during his browsing. Hell, what was he supposed to put?

Folding one arm against his chest, Arthur tucked his hand under his arm and pressed the other over his mouth. His brow furrowed as he thought, and another few minutes passed before he let out a frustrated huff and leaned back in his desk chair. Closing his eyes, he let his arms hang limp at his sides, and tried to let his mind wander in the hopes that something suitable would simply come to him. A stroke of genius or an epiphany or something of that sort.

_I'm only here because my lover is ignoring me in favor of this site, because I've got no one to tease or shag or flirt with anymore._

Green eyes went wide and he sat up so quickly that his chair rocked. Arthur's fingers flew to the keyboard and quickly typed _no-one-to-tease._ It loaded for maybe an entire second that felt more like an eternity but a sense of victorious glee filled him up as soon as the box turned green. He was going to run a blog that was entirely dedicated to the fact that his boyfriend was ignoring him. Maybe he could get a little sympathy and advice from the strangers online.


	3. Chapter 3

This was more work than he'd been expecting. It wasn't enough to just make an account—he had to actually design a blog for people to visit and see. Well, he didn't _have _to, he supposed, but if he was going to run a blog under the tag _no-one-to-tease _then he was bloody well going to run it right.

"Okay," the green-eyed blond breathed, leaning over the keyboard as if that might unlock the secrets of designing a blog. "Themes. What are themes. 'Browse Themes.' Okay."

The sidebar flashed, and a list of themes to choose from appeared. It was a daunting thing to look at. Arthur didn't at all feel like scrolling through them all, especially because he didn't really think he'd know which ones were good themes and which ones were bad themes.

"Hmmmm…"

How did anyone do this? Who had time to design so many of these things? And what sort of names were these supposed to be? _Prologue_? _The Atlantic_? _Feather_? _101_? They all seemed ridiculous or useless or just plain odd.

Ticking his tongue against his teeth, Arthur clicked through the themes in search of one that sounded nice. There were plenty of nice names, but the themes to go with them seemed too fancy or complicated. He was just beginning his blogging career, so he should probably start off with something simpler.

"_Optica_. Hm." Arthur clicked on the preview and found himself smiling when his unfinished blog took on the theme's settings. There was a space for a header image, a centered avatar below that, then where the description of his blog would go, and then everything he blogged would be laid out nice and neat over whatever color background he decided to pick. Perfect.

All right, first came the title, the name of his blog, the thing that would say the most about who he was and why he was there. He was there for the attention he wasn't getting in real life, he was _no-one-to-tease_, he was educated and cultured and refined, and he was pretty sure he wanted to use some form of the word "tease" in his blog title.

'_Tease Me'? No, that's backwards. I want to do the teasing, not be teased. 'Let's Play' sounds fun but I don't want people sending me inappropriate pictures of themselves. I need a title that says I'm here to have a good time but that I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend or start any sort of relationship. This is just an outlet for my sexual frustration and loneliness. What's a title that says that?_

After thinking long and hard on it, Arthur sighed and pushed his chair back from his desk. This was giving him a headache, which meant it was time for a cup of tea.

Hands braced and leaning forward to push himself up out of his chair, the golden blond stopped as his brain furiously rewound.

Time for a cup of tea.

Tea time.

Time for Tea. Teasing.

Time for Teasing.

"It's perfect!" The shout burst out of him before he could stop himself, and Arthur's hands flew back to the keyboard to type into the Title bar.

"Time for Teasing," he muttered as the words appeared, then paused and clicked back to add parenthesis.

_Time for Tea(sing)_ appeared across the top of the blog, just under the box where his avatar would go.

"Perfect."

It was in a plain font for now, but he'd change that when he got that far in the options menu. The next thing he needed to do was come up with a description. Well, best go with the honest explanation of why he was there.

_My arse of a boyfriend spends more time on this site than he does paying attention to me, so I may as well find out what all the fuss is about._

There. That was accurate and promised nothing about what he meant to do, but it wasn't going to scare anyone off, either. Good. He was good at this.

Green eyes darting down the screen, it was a mere half of a second before Arthur was clicking open a new browser tab and opening Google to do an image search. He had a blog about being lonely and wanting to tease someone, but he didn't want anything overtly sexual for his header image. Instead, he wanted something comforting and familiar, but fun, so he waited for the Google Image page to finish loading, then typed "London" into the search bar. He'd barely finished the word before suggestions began to appear, ranging from skylines to skyviews and cityscapes, close ups of architecture and the two-decker buses, Big Ben, the London Eye, and the tower bridge. Arthur only had to scroll a short ways before he came across a beautiful evening-time picture of the river and Ben, perfectly lit and colored. Within seconds, he'd saved it to his computer and was uploading it to Tumblr to use as his header image.

"Okay, next is…avatar." So he needed a picture of himself, one that would fit the blog and theme, but that wouldn't give away who he was, just in case anyone he knew happened across it.

Arthur leaned back in his chair and thought hard. Did he have any photos he could crop and use? No, he didn't think so. He'd never taken pictures like the kind he needed before, had always been too embarrassed for that sort of thing, but, well, if this blog was all about getting out of his comfort zone and trying new things, trying to see why Alfred was ignoring him, then maybe he should take a little more risqué picture than he was used to.

Still a little hesitant about this part, the Englishman sat back in his chair again and somewhat clumsily began to unbutton his shirt. Should it be a torso shot? Would that be too much? Maybe just his mouth…he could smirk, or something like that…

Oh, no, his face was starting to turn pink. He was going to be blushing in his avatar if he didn't get himself under control. Just breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth, nice and steady…there…

Okay, he could do this. No problem. It was just a picture. It wasn't like he was posing naked or shooting a porno. Just a simple little picture to put as his avatar for his blog. Easy. All he had to do was turn on his webcam and pose, make sure nothing was showing in the background of the shot, smirk a little, and….

_Click!_

The fake camera shutter sound effect was followed by the screen blinking, then the photo he'd just taken popped up at the bottom. He clicked it open, cropped it down to just his mouth and throat and collarbone so no one who saw it would easily realize it was him, saved it again, and switched back to Tumblr to upload it as his avatar. It'd been a bit pixelated on screen, but trapped in that little box, it looked surprisingly nice. It was actually sort of sexy.

"Hm. Not bad. Now, let's see…avatar shape…."

A square or circle—curious, he clicked to the circle option and frowned as soon as it loaded. The circle cut off part of his face, making his mouth look odd, so he went back to the square and scrolled down to see what he was supposed to do next.

"Title font." A small arrow to the right guided him into a list off fonts to choose from the first of which instantly caught his attention: 1785 Baskerville. There was no point in even looking at the others.

Background color—dark grey would look nice with his header image, and then he could make the title color white, and accents would be deep red, of course. There were several on/off slider options to show the header, show his avatar and description, to scroll or click from page to page and whatnot. Arthur only glanced at them before turning them all on. A few other options were at the bottom of the sidebar, but he didn't know what they were for, so he moved his cursor up and hit the blue Save button. It loaded, Save became Saved, and the only other option was Exit, so he clicked that and looked at his brand new blog with more than a little bit of pride. He'd done it. He had a blog on the same website that had stolen Alfred from him, and he was going to make it better than whatever was so distracting to the American.


End file.
